His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
