i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
