i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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