Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
