He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
