P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
