I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
