My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
