quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
