walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
