Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
