Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
