so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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