I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
