I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
