I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
