i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize