Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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