i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
