I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
