Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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