Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
