My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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