You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
