i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
