Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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