Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
