Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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