i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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