I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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