yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
