Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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