So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
