Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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