I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Randomize
