Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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