wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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