I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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