Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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