so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
