Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
