Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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