i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I cockslap morals
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
