so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's rum buckets o'clock
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
