I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
