So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
