its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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