so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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