lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
