Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
