He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
