He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
