One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
