i may or may not be watching the land before time
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
