she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
