Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
