I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
