i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
