So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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