u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize