Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
