I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
