the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
3pm strippers are depressing
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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