Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
