ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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