The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i think i just lost a toe
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize