this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
now i know why i became what i already was.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
