Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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