he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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