he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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