Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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