i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You had me at "let me see your balls"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
