I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
