yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
