I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
