bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
