It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
