I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
