Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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