You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
