Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Quick, to the slutcave!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
