Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
