i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
