You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
