I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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