Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
