My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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