Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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