I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
