Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
