Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
